Abiel and Raxus lounged on benches separated by a dark ale-stained wooden table, each leaning against the stone interior wall casually taking in the comings and goings of patrons at the Nine Lantern. It was a cozy space lit by the glow of thick over-poured candles and a roaring fire in an enormous hearth. Abiel was content in the moment with an easy smiling for those who caught her gaze, while Raxus' attention skipped from barmaid to guests without shame or concern, the occasional wink or promise of a smile when he felt warranted. Abiel took up her cup of ale with both hands drinking large gulps absently. It was sweet and made her feet tingle, a promising start guaranteeing an achy head in the morning. The dread knight barely suppressed a grin, the corners of his dark lips twitching to ward off the smile for the ever-maturing girl whom he'd come to think of as one of his truest friends. He ran his fingers through his white hair and let out a sigh of conviction. It was long past time for this discussion, and he was determined now to have it.
"So. You and Shiftie. What am I to make of this?" he asked casually. The smirk he had though was not for Abiel. He'd caught the eye of a silver-haired half elf in dark red robes by the hearth.
"Think of what?" Abiel turned on the bench setting her feet on the floor. This seemed important.
"Nothing has come of it?" Raxus lifted his tankard, still staring at the half-elf.
"Come of what?" Abiel asked.
"So. You and Shiftie. What am I to make of this?" he asked casually. The smirk he had though was not for Abiel. He'd caught the eye of a silver-haired half elf in dark red robes by the hearth.
"Think of what?" Abiel turned on the bench setting her feet on the floor. This seemed important.
"Nothing has come of it?" Raxus lifted his tankard, still staring at the half-elf.
"Come of what?" Abiel asked.
Raxus turned to face her, a suggestive expression across his handsome face.
"Are you drunk?" she laughed.
"Hmmm," Raxus pursed his lips, thinking over her reaction and how best to proceed.
His exhaled 'hmmm' was like a spark igniting a field of dry brush in Abiel's mind. The apple flavored ale taking hold was not helping. The clarity of sobriety was being blunted and blurred but the visions in her mind...the feel of Shiftie's skin under her fingertips... Abiel sat frozen, consumed. Like a seed within perfect soil, this idea, if she could even call it that, had been so easily planted and now it was growing roots.
"I am with Toatle," Abiel insisted after finally managing to shut the door on the absurd thoughts.
Raxus watched Abiel squirm in her seat with amusement, attempting to understand all that he had been suggesting. Abiel stared hard into her ale. His eyes narrowed some, the corners of his mouth twitching to conceal his smile.
"Shiftie or no, something must be done about that and immediately, my girl." Raxus began brushed off a non-existent something from his leather vest. "Undeserving arsehole." he grumbled.
Abiel laughed heartily thankful for the change of topic. "You are an excellent character judge of dark elven arseholes, sir."
Raxus threw a chunk of bread at Abiel playfully. She was far too busy laughing at her own joke to bother trying to catch it and laughed all the harder for it. Once she had contained herself, Abiel was compelled explain about Toatle further. And change the subject.
"I know... I've known from the start that he and I were...doomed." she said softly, sadly.
"How does this keep happening to him?" a deep-rooted mockery and disgust in his tone.
Abiel shrugged, but the answer to the mystery that had built the relationship between Toatle and herself was no secret to her.
"You are by no means a flower and I love you?"
"The only sensible thing you've felt since I've known you, but that cunt and I are hardly comparable. I am a much better fighter, I am far better looking, far more interesting but more importantly I am not a complete self-important twat..." Raxus took another drink. He smiled because he was certain he was right. She raised an eyebrow. He most certainly was as self-important as anyone. Raxus waived her off with a rude hand gesture.
"Four years surrounded by arses and twats, who at many points within those years proved to be more than arses even if they remained twats." Abiel smiled a small smile. In the dim light, the portion of the scar under Abiel's lower lip was accentuated.
"You assume good within others too easily, youngling. You don't look to be certain." Raxus was inspecting her now. For all of her growth and maturity, the air of goodness that emanated from her was always striking to him. Nothing she had suffered had broken break her spirit and for all that he appreciated about it, her light was the root for problems more frequently.
"I don't 'find' it," Abiel laughed. "It can't be helped if the lot of you are a bunch of lap dogs. No amount of armor and weapons could hide that from me."
"Laps dogs, eh?" Raxus smiled and threw another piece of bread at Abiel, who caught it this time and began to eat it. "I have been very fortunate with my friends. I know I shouldn't be with Toatle..."
'Now that's interesting,' Raxus thought to himself. He could see clearly now that the change of heart had already set in for her.
"Because you should be with Shiftie." Raxus shrugged.
She coughed trying not to choke on the bite of bread. "No! Not because of him! Karr strike you." Abiel growled.
"Just tell the twot to pack up his gear and sod off." Raxus stated simply.
"It's all very complicated." Abiel bit her lip at the daunting prospect of having to end things.
"It all really isn't." Raxus retorted and finished off his tankard of ale.
"Isn't it? He isn't some stranger. We need him." Abiel absently waived for another round of drinks.
"Dearest girl," Raxus sat forward leaning on the table looking at her with a tempered seriousness and took her scarred hands into his. "No one wishes unhappiness for you, even if it means breaking the hearts of all of us if it's for your own good. We have known Toatle much longer than you. You aren't the first woman he thinks he loves in a long long long looooong line of disasters he creates himself for that 'love', just as the end to your courtship would not be the first time he's abandoned all of us over some perceived slight, which you witnessed firsthand and more than once."
Abiel let her mind wander through those memories and to the terrible things she'd done since, the dreams of a life so different from her own, but somehow entirely connected, filled with even worse atrocities and love...
Raxus squeezed her hands to pull her back to the moment. "Let's just hope for all of our sakes that this will be the catalyst for him choosing never to return."
"Raxus!" Abiel snapped, but she was not as angry as she sounded. A bar maid set two fresh tankards of ale on the table. She did not hear Abiel's thanks as she made no attempt to hide her interest in the dread knight. The maid lingered at the table an extra moment, then returned to the bar swinging her hips purposefully as Raxus watched her go. Abiel smiled and shook her head.
"This isn't how I wanted things. I never meant for this. I promised Shiftie it would never interfere. With all that looms on the horizon, we need Toatle."
"Shiftie doesn't want you with Toatle for many reasons, my dearest youngling." Raxus took a long drink of his fresh ale, watching the bar maid from over the top of his cup allowing the embers to burn in Abiel's mind.
Abiel was floored by this not-so-subtle suggestion as the roots grew stronger and deeper, the feel of Shiftie's perfect lips upon hers, the silken perfection that made up his wonderful hair, the taste of his skin... If Abiel could have slapped herself, she would have.
"Shiftie said to me just yesterday that he couldn't understand how I could ever conceive of being with Toatle. Half a year goes by and now he thinks to say something?" Abiel hunched over the table staring at the grains of wood.
"He may have mentioned something in the same vein to me the other day," Raxus sipped from his ale and winked at the bar maid.
"You spoke to him of this?!" Abiel choked.
"Are you drunk?" she laughed.
"Hmmm," Raxus pursed his lips, thinking over her reaction and how best to proceed.
His exhaled 'hmmm' was like a spark igniting a field of dry brush in Abiel's mind. The apple flavored ale taking hold was not helping. The clarity of sobriety was being blunted and blurred but the visions in her mind...the feel of Shiftie's skin under her fingertips... Abiel sat frozen, consumed. Like a seed within perfect soil, this idea, if she could even call it that, had been so easily planted and now it was growing roots.
"I am with Toatle," Abiel insisted after finally managing to shut the door on the absurd thoughts.
Raxus watched Abiel squirm in her seat with amusement, attempting to understand all that he had been suggesting. Abiel stared hard into her ale. His eyes narrowed some, the corners of his mouth twitching to conceal his smile.
"Shiftie or no, something must be done about that and immediately, my girl." Raxus began brushed off a non-existent something from his leather vest. "Undeserving arsehole." he grumbled.
Abiel laughed heartily thankful for the change of topic. "You are an excellent character judge of dark elven arseholes, sir."
Raxus threw a chunk of bread at Abiel playfully. She was far too busy laughing at her own joke to bother trying to catch it and laughed all the harder for it. Once she had contained herself, Abiel was compelled explain about Toatle further. And change the subject.
"I know... I've known from the start that he and I were...doomed." she said softly, sadly.
"How does this keep happening to him?" a deep-rooted mockery and disgust in his tone.
Abiel shrugged, but the answer to the mystery that had built the relationship between Toatle and herself was no secret to her.
"You are by no means a flower and I love you?"
"The only sensible thing you've felt since I've known you, but that cunt and I are hardly comparable. I am a much better fighter, I am far better looking, far more interesting but more importantly I am not a complete self-important twat..." Raxus took another drink. He smiled because he was certain he was right. She raised an eyebrow. He most certainly was as self-important as anyone. Raxus waived her off with a rude hand gesture.
"Four years surrounded by arses and twats, who at many points within those years proved to be more than arses even if they remained twats." Abiel smiled a small smile. In the dim light, the portion of the scar under Abiel's lower lip was accentuated.
"You assume good within others too easily, youngling. You don't look to be certain." Raxus was inspecting her now. For all of her growth and maturity, the air of goodness that emanated from her was always striking to him. Nothing she had suffered had broken break her spirit and for all that he appreciated about it, her light was the root for problems more frequently.
"I don't 'find' it," Abiel laughed. "It can't be helped if the lot of you are a bunch of lap dogs. No amount of armor and weapons could hide that from me."
"Laps dogs, eh?" Raxus smiled and threw another piece of bread at Abiel, who caught it this time and began to eat it. "I have been very fortunate with my friends. I know I shouldn't be with Toatle..."
'Now that's interesting,' Raxus thought to himself. He could see clearly now that the change of heart had already set in for her.
"Because you should be with Shiftie." Raxus shrugged.
She coughed trying not to choke on the bite of bread. "No! Not because of him! Karr strike you." Abiel growled.
"Just tell the twot to pack up his gear and sod off." Raxus stated simply.
"It's all very complicated." Abiel bit her lip at the daunting prospect of having to end things.
"It all really isn't." Raxus retorted and finished off his tankard of ale.
"Isn't it? He isn't some stranger. We need him." Abiel absently waived for another round of drinks.
"Dearest girl," Raxus sat forward leaning on the table looking at her with a tempered seriousness and took her scarred hands into his. "No one wishes unhappiness for you, even if it means breaking the hearts of all of us if it's for your own good. We have known Toatle much longer than you. You aren't the first woman he thinks he loves in a long long long looooong line of disasters he creates himself for that 'love', just as the end to your courtship would not be the first time he's abandoned all of us over some perceived slight, which you witnessed firsthand and more than once."
Abiel let her mind wander through those memories and to the terrible things she'd done since, the dreams of a life so different from her own, but somehow entirely connected, filled with even worse atrocities and love...
Raxus squeezed her hands to pull her back to the moment. "Let's just hope for all of our sakes that this will be the catalyst for him choosing never to return."
"Raxus!" Abiel snapped, but she was not as angry as she sounded. A bar maid set two fresh tankards of ale on the table. She did not hear Abiel's thanks as she made no attempt to hide her interest in the dread knight. The maid lingered at the table an extra moment, then returned to the bar swinging her hips purposefully as Raxus watched her go. Abiel smiled and shook her head.
"This isn't how I wanted things. I never meant for this. I promised Shiftie it would never interfere. With all that looms on the horizon, we need Toatle."
"Shiftie doesn't want you with Toatle for many reasons, my dearest youngling." Raxus took a long drink of his fresh ale, watching the bar maid from over the top of his cup allowing the embers to burn in Abiel's mind.
Abiel was floored by this not-so-subtle suggestion as the roots grew stronger and deeper, the feel of Shiftie's perfect lips upon hers, the silken perfection that made up his wonderful hair, the taste of his skin... If Abiel could have slapped herself, she would have.
"Shiftie said to me just yesterday that he couldn't understand how I could ever conceive of being with Toatle. Half a year goes by and now he thinks to say something?" Abiel hunched over the table staring at the grains of wood.
"He may have mentioned something in the same vein to me the other day," Raxus sipped from his ale and winked at the bar maid.
"You spoke to him of this?!" Abiel choked.
Raxus waived off the question.
"Would it have mattered half a year ago?" Raxus asked, attention back to Abiel for the moment.
"I suppose not.... Maybe? What am I even saying? Of course. I would have listened to Shiftie but it doesn't matter now. For someone who doesn't care who I spend my personal time with, he was very put off when he found out. And I don't mean to imply that he was jealous..." Abiel inhaled deeply, searching for the words. "He was extremely irritated that we had not told him sooner? Later, he said it mattered not. And then yesterday... He was angry. He was afraid... for me, for my safety with Toatle, that Toatle might actually harm me..." Abiel's tone changed as she attempted to make sense of the confusion. Raxus began to feel her presence upon him ever so slightly. "Toatle may very well be the worst idea I have ever conceived as a mate went, but harm me? Not ever. At least not physically."
"Well what did you expect his response to be? You're his second and even more than that."
"We didn't tell anyone on purpose. We didn't want it to interfere..." Her voice trailed off. Abiel held tightly to her mug, still staring at the table, wondering how Shiftie had reacted to the dread knight's opinions on all of this, mostly his responses about being with her.
"And now it is interfering?"
"With everything! My training, raids, I cannot sleep and sometimes..." Abiel stopped herself, took a breath and changed her mind about something Raxus was unclear about. "...And now I am unhappy. Shiftie is miserable. The more time I spend with Shiftie, the more irritable Toatle becomes. Insinuating... the worst things... The same things you have, but in the cruelest most disrespectful ways! Like a competition of sorts for Toatle. In his mind, everything Shiftie does, every victory or something as petty as a new piece of armor, Toatle feels Shiftie mocks him and purposefully shows off to torture him. He'll have taught me something, something important for a skirmish, I'll share it with Toatle..." she caught herself rambling and exhaled to calm herself again. "Shiftie may be many things, but I know nothing he does has anything to do with Toatle. Gods forbid I say anything to defend Shiftie and why shouldn't I? He is my captain; I am under his care and protection and fealty belongs to him over all others, as it is for everyone." Abiel's voice trailed off as her mind flooded with the clarity facing her with Toatle, most things she knew she could never say to his face.
Raxus could see the problems Toatle must be having, even if Toatle's reaction was out of proportion under the circumstance. Abiel was not some milkmaid, Toatle and Shiftie were not farmhands fighting to court her or to win her affections. Knowing Toatle as he did, Raxus knew that he would never see reality for what it was. Not ever.
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Be done with him. Save yourself and the rest of us the grief. Get rid of him and soon." Raxus looked to the barmaid and winked.
"He's not an old shirt, sir, to be tossed aside and treated as such. He deserves better than that." Abiel implored.
"Could have fooled me." the dark elf smiled.
In the end, it had gone almost too easily, too quickly. Not only had she expected there to be a few days between her speaking with Raxus and the inevitable end of the courtship with Toatle, but that it came to a head within a few minutes after she'd left Raxus at the Nine Lanterns. Abiel had expected it to be a days-long fight as they'd been having recently, but it had been so vicious and brief, she barely recalled much of anything. Abiel took a seat at the edge of her small bed, trying to recount what had happened, all that had been said...
A messenger had been posted at her door with strict instructions that no one was to see the message but Abiel upon her return. Toatle was already in her room waiting, irritated at the messenger's refusal to leave the parchment with him. He had assumed correctly that it was from Shiftie. Abiel was to meet him two hours before dawn. A Gurvir patrol had been spotted camped within an old dwarven outpost two days ride from the Darl Krag entrance of the mountains and a small raid was being formed to clear it. Toatle's presence for this particular raid had not been requested, infuriating him further and setting off the tirade. Before she knew it, Toatle had suggested that they should no longer be together. It wasn't the first time he'd weaponized their feelings, but the first time Abiel didn't fight it but used it in turn. It wasn't long after that when Toatle had denied saying it. She remembered clearly enough- it was he that made it to seem as though she had initiated the end of their courtship and now she "could go be happy with her high elven warlord, where she really wanted to be."
Abiel felt no truth in it, but the ease of using his threats was too good to pass. And then he was gone. The shock that it was over and done with, that they were over and done with? She was free now, even if she didn't fully know what that meant. Not to pursue anyone, but free of this bizarre coupling that had caused so much unrest in what was already a fragile and tumultuous life in such a short amount of time. Abiel had little recollection now of the happy moments, she could not recall the reasons she'd thought she'd loved Toatle. If she had been in love, she was not any longer. At least not with the elf who'd just left.
Abiel began collecting her gear feeling light and excited. Her only concern now was whether or not she should speak to Shiftie about their mutual conversations with Raxus. She'd made up her mind that they should speak of it to clear the air, for she was sure that Shiftie would not want her. He had never shown any inclination or consideration, nor did she have any expectations. If anything, Abiel told herself and knew to her core that things were supposed to be this way. She loved Shiftie, she was loyal to him and those boundaries need never be challenged.
'Like a dog,' Abiel thought back to the first time Toatle had ever called her that. They were in the Vale. What Toatle never understood was that to Abiel, it held no amount of shame.
"Would it have mattered half a year ago?" Raxus asked, attention back to Abiel for the moment.
"I suppose not.... Maybe? What am I even saying? Of course. I would have listened to Shiftie but it doesn't matter now. For someone who doesn't care who I spend my personal time with, he was very put off when he found out. And I don't mean to imply that he was jealous..." Abiel inhaled deeply, searching for the words. "He was extremely irritated that we had not told him sooner? Later, he said it mattered not. And then yesterday... He was angry. He was afraid... for me, for my safety with Toatle, that Toatle might actually harm me..." Abiel's tone changed as she attempted to make sense of the confusion. Raxus began to feel her presence upon him ever so slightly. "Toatle may very well be the worst idea I have ever conceived as a mate went, but harm me? Not ever. At least not physically."
"Well what did you expect his response to be? You're his second and even more than that."
"We didn't tell anyone on purpose. We didn't want it to interfere..." Her voice trailed off. Abiel held tightly to her mug, still staring at the table, wondering how Shiftie had reacted to the dread knight's opinions on all of this, mostly his responses about being with her.
"And now it is interfering?"
"With everything! My training, raids, I cannot sleep and sometimes..." Abiel stopped herself, took a breath and changed her mind about something Raxus was unclear about. "...And now I am unhappy. Shiftie is miserable. The more time I spend with Shiftie, the more irritable Toatle becomes. Insinuating... the worst things... The same things you have, but in the cruelest most disrespectful ways! Like a competition of sorts for Toatle. In his mind, everything Shiftie does, every victory or something as petty as a new piece of armor, Toatle feels Shiftie mocks him and purposefully shows off to torture him. He'll have taught me something, something important for a skirmish, I'll share it with Toatle..." she caught herself rambling and exhaled to calm herself again. "Shiftie may be many things, but I know nothing he does has anything to do with Toatle. Gods forbid I say anything to defend Shiftie and why shouldn't I? He is my captain; I am under his care and protection and fealty belongs to him over all others, as it is for everyone." Abiel's voice trailed off as her mind flooded with the clarity facing her with Toatle, most things she knew she could never say to his face.
Raxus could see the problems Toatle must be having, even if Toatle's reaction was out of proportion under the circumstance. Abiel was not some milkmaid, Toatle and Shiftie were not farmhands fighting to court her or to win her affections. Knowing Toatle as he did, Raxus knew that he would never see reality for what it was. Not ever.
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Be done with him. Save yourself and the rest of us the grief. Get rid of him and soon." Raxus looked to the barmaid and winked.
"He's not an old shirt, sir, to be tossed aside and treated as such. He deserves better than that." Abiel implored.
"Could have fooled me." the dark elf smiled.
In the end, it had gone almost too easily, too quickly. Not only had she expected there to be a few days between her speaking with Raxus and the inevitable end of the courtship with Toatle, but that it came to a head within a few minutes after she'd left Raxus at the Nine Lanterns. Abiel had expected it to be a days-long fight as they'd been having recently, but it had been so vicious and brief, she barely recalled much of anything. Abiel took a seat at the edge of her small bed, trying to recount what had happened, all that had been said...
A messenger had been posted at her door with strict instructions that no one was to see the message but Abiel upon her return. Toatle was already in her room waiting, irritated at the messenger's refusal to leave the parchment with him. He had assumed correctly that it was from Shiftie. Abiel was to meet him two hours before dawn. A Gurvir patrol had been spotted camped within an old dwarven outpost two days ride from the Darl Krag entrance of the mountains and a small raid was being formed to clear it. Toatle's presence for this particular raid had not been requested, infuriating him further and setting off the tirade. Before she knew it, Toatle had suggested that they should no longer be together. It wasn't the first time he'd weaponized their feelings, but the first time Abiel didn't fight it but used it in turn. It wasn't long after that when Toatle had denied saying it. She remembered clearly enough- it was he that made it to seem as though she had initiated the end of their courtship and now she "could go be happy with her high elven warlord, where she really wanted to be."
Abiel felt no truth in it, but the ease of using his threats was too good to pass. And then he was gone. The shock that it was over and done with, that they were over and done with? She was free now, even if she didn't fully know what that meant. Not to pursue anyone, but free of this bizarre coupling that had caused so much unrest in what was already a fragile and tumultuous life in such a short amount of time. Abiel had little recollection now of the happy moments, she could not recall the reasons she'd thought she'd loved Toatle. If she had been in love, she was not any longer. At least not with the elf who'd just left.
Abiel began collecting her gear feeling light and excited. Her only concern now was whether or not she should speak to Shiftie about their mutual conversations with Raxus. She'd made up her mind that they should speak of it to clear the air, for she was sure that Shiftie would not want her. He had never shown any inclination or consideration, nor did she have any expectations. If anything, Abiel told herself and knew to her core that things were supposed to be this way. She loved Shiftie, she was loyal to him and those boundaries need never be challenged.
'Like a dog,' Abiel thought back to the first time Toatle had ever called her that. They were in the Vale. What Toatle never understood was that to Abiel, it held no amount of shame.
Whatever mystery she held, whatever her purpose in the world, she was Shiftie's trained dog and proud of it. It suited her to be whatever the high elf needed her to be. She recalled the day so many years ago when she was a child, the day he'd come to fetch her from her studies and take her into Coste Volte. He'd picked her up and carried her so high and Abiel had never forgotten how proud she was that she knew him in the moment. Through everything that had happened since, that pride had only increased. She wore it like a brooch for all to see and cared not about others' opinions. If she knew nothing else, Abiel knew that to be at Shiftie's side was her future. Not as a wife or lover, those seemed petty and useless things compared to being... 'his dog.' Abiel was truly pleased with this and every step closer she came to meeting with Shiftie before the raid, the more positive she was that he should know this and that she and Toatle were no more, and Abiel would be sure to put to rest any fears that he might have regarding feelings for him that she did not carry in an inappropriate way for him.
Abiel entered the large stables where members of the Dragon Sect were preparing to leave. She smiled at Shiftie brightly, exchanging greetings with others as she made her way to him. 'Now is not the time.' Abiel thought to herself, still smiling. Abiel bowed to Shiftie in greeting as she always did, he smiled his hello and seemed oddly relaxed under the circumstances.
"Are you ready?" he asked slightly more serious.
"Yes?" It was more of a question that she would have put to Shiftie, whether or not he felt she was ready to go out to raid again. She was ready to do as he instructed, to do her best at what ever task she was given.
Abiel stepped closer to him, her cheeks growing more rose-colored. She could barely look at his chin, let alone look him in the eye.
"When you have time, perhaps we could discuss a few matters?" Abiel whispered. "Not now of course, but when you see fit. It's nothing serious, I assure you. Just a few... things." Abiel stammered. Abiel set eyes upon Shiftie and all the wind within her was pulled out. She had yet to give him any specifics and found herself embarrassed at the thought that she would discuss things that suddenly seemed absurd. Shiftie was a decorated centurion. He was above these things and rightfully so. Abiel was free of Toatle, free to concentrate on her training and gaining full control of herself. That was all that was important to him and as such, was all that would be important to her. Abiel would not bring the matter up again, and Gods willing, Shiftie would be far too busy to remember that she'd said anything. She would put it out of her mind and so would he. Again, a new sense of relief came over her. She was ready to focus on the pending raid, ready for her master to unhook the lead.
CHAPTER
Three days of riding and tracking, Shiftie pushed her mercilessly. Abiel was sent to track, sent to forage, fetch the water, stand post. She gloried in every task, volunteered for every duty she could. Though she had decided not to mention it aloud, she hadn't needed sleep. And in the few minutes she'd had alone in the forest checking for tracks or signs, speaking with animals when she had enough privacy to do so, Abiel had thought back to the times when sleep had overtaken her. This was something far more important that she would speak with Shiftie about, although she considered how best to mention it so that it wouldn't come out as insulting... "It appears sir, that I don't require as much sleep as you. Ever. Unless I've died." Abiel clapped a hand over her mouth to keep in the laughter, chiding herself as she went. A fine thing to be amused at, when bands of murderous scoundrels were about looking to kill her and anyone else they might come across.
Abiel made her way back to the camp. It wasn't difficult to locate. For the first time since they'd left the mountains, there was a giant fire. Granted, there were over one hundred men and women at arms, there were almost a dozen clerics, one... two... three... four... five wizards? Four shaman that she could name... Something was very strange indeed, so much of this raid that was very unusual. In the fire light, just across the camp, she saw the small white tuft of hair that sat atop Shiftie's head and it stopped her in her tracks and she could not help but smile. No, the world could turn upside down and inside out and if she saw him, it would matter not. Shiftie turned and caught her gaze then and waived her to him and she could not deny that she loved him. It was in that moment Abiel knew that she could love him and go to her death never having told Shiftie.
"Tell me, what did you find?" he smiled.
"Poorly concealed tracks, my lord. At least a dozen orc, maybe a dozen goblin, some blood elves. They might even have a giant troll or two and they travel on foot." While tracks had been poorly concealed, it was actually the information of several animal families living in the area. They'd bolted when the Gurvir had moved through and returned once they were gone, but all of the animals were on alert.
"They're a few days ahead, three at the least, four at the most, they're skirting around toward the Pale Rock post."
"How would you know this?" Shiftie's white eyebrow raised.
"They keep moving from camp to camp like this..." Abiel knelt down drew wide slightly intersecting arches away from her in the soft dirt. "Aren't they?" She looked up, hoping to be correct.
"That they seem to be, yes," he waited for her to continue.
"If they continue that way, the only place they would come across is the post. They keep moving forward and back to keep the patrols off guard. I wouldn't be surprised if they have rogues watching us right now." Abiel stood and whispered the last part.
"Nor would I." Shiftie smiled easily and patted her on the head. Abiel smiled, the proud dog that she was.
There was chaos surrounding her, Abiel could not clear her mind. Stamping horse hooves, the feet of men and orc and goblin, animals.... Abiel struggled to wake, a heavy mist of fog swirled above her head, she could not make out those above her, only the brilliant clashing of magics and steel, blood and flesh falling over her like a heavy rain. Filthy hands reached down toward then disappeared back into the mist, more hands, paws, blood and boney claws... horrified, she sat where she was, the hands were upon her now and she had no will to fight. The scaled claws, so black and shimmering, so lovely and lethal- they would kill her and put this entire battle an end. Abiel closed her eyes and waited...
"Wake up, my youngling, it's time to move on." A familiar voice cut through the clouds of her dreams. Abiel struggled to old on, to stay within the coming death, but that voice held a smile within it, a smile she was now willing to fight to see. Abiel opened her eyes. Shiftie was managing poorly to conceal the smile he had for her. "Arise, my sleeping girl, another day of the hunt awaits. Perhaps today will be the day that we find our prey?"
The drained feeling she'd experienced in her dream was not with her now in the early dawn light. That perfect smile snapped Abiel into the world with an energy she lived for. Within moments, she had washed her face and had the horses saddled and packed.
"Quite the handy little squirrel you have their, son! Wherever did you find her?" a very large barbarian warrior remarked to Shiftie out of Abiel's hearing.
Shiftie smiled and watched Abiel go about her business, taking his time as he dressed and ate, seen to at lightning intervals by the 'squirrel'. He watched her, wondered what he could have done to set the path they were on together. In his estimation, he had not done one right thing for this girl in her life, yet here she was, only perhaps two hours of sleep, racing to see to his every need or conceived want as though she owed him every breath and drop of blood within her.
Things could not remain as they were. She could not stay like this, not being as she was, 'Whatever that might be,' Shiftie exhaled. The world would come to doom because she could not look away from him long enough to know better. Pouty had said as much and now the harsh truth of it was dawning on the warlord. But on the same token, it felt right within his heart. The high-elf considered if perhaps they were not meant to be parted. Perhaps he was meant to be the compass and give her the direction. Abiel was nowhere near ready to be in the lowliest of guilds, let alone the Paladin, the one who could stand before the world and save or crush it. The fault of that, at least in part, rested on his shoulders.
When they'd first met and she'd stated that she was iron and steel- he'd believed it more then than he did now. Her ceaseless youthful naive desire to learn and help, traits Shiftie continued to adore most, traits that were was not to be prized as fighters, especially given the steps back into her training she'd taken.
A chill ran up Shiftie's spine, a sick feeling swelled in his stomach thinking about Drandelt and Kohlven. It had been partly their own fault. Everyone had been warned to stay far from her and she was returned to her senses moments after, far too late to save the careless knights, but long enough to save everyone else. So close to death they had come before her change, the tendrils of smoke that rippled from her eyes burned in Shiftie's mind so vividly. It was the first time he'd witnessed her so changed- vicious, skilled, strong... too strong. Wielding two long swords as though they were light as feathers with a veteran fighter's knowledge he'd never believe Abiel capable of amassing. She was a demon of chaos and death pulsing with power. The kind of power that could win wars and set the world on fire. There it was, staring them in the face. Call her the Paladin or any name they could think of. In the end, one question stood out over all others: how could he ever control her in the direst of circumstances if Abiel could not learn to control herself? And, he asked himself, Do I even want to?
CHAPTER
Another full day of riding in small groups, always a mix of warriors, a cleric, a shaman or druid as the numbers allowed, and the raiding party fell upon the band of sixty or so Gurvir that had been making their way in precise movements toward the base of the mountain range. None were spared, the question remained how such a large group of Gurvir had come to go undetected given all the guilds and Sect members that were out in force, scouring the Seven Kingdoms and beyond.
There was no explanation as to how the Gurvir were getting so far into the kingdoms without detection. Those Gurvir who'd been taken captive had yet to slip and divulge any explanation or plans. Most died for their silence in the end. For Shiftie, it had been largely successful. His new gear had stood up against the orc especially well. He'd been eying it for some time, little Abiel, who'd done almost exceptionally well this raid, had done precisely what she had been instructed to, engaging when told, staying back when ordered. She'd felled three blood elven rogues that were about to attack the clerics. He'd thought he'd spied the swirls of mist forming at her eyes not once but twice, but she'd contained herself. It was hard to know for sure at the time, Shiftie had been engaging the two battle trolls and trying to save his own skin.
The high elf was as pleased as he would allow himself to be. It was when they were nearly to the stone bridge when Shiftie came to realize that Abiel was walking behind him. He'd been so lost in thought, even speaking his thoughts aloud, so used to her listening intently and somehow knowing the appropriate times to respond to his spoken thought, the high elf assumed the last half of the day that she was beside him. They were walking their horses now, the sound of their hooves echoing through the valley as they clipped and clopped on the smooth pavement. Shiftie stopped when he realized she wasn't beside him, causing Abiel, who was lot in her own thoughts, to nearly walk into him. The girl began to apologize profusely.
"Are you allright?" Shiftie asked, watching her, puzzled.
"I am fine, my lord. Are you?" Abiel replied, slightly flustered.
"I am quite well and have been for some time. Where is your mind, youngling? I have been talking to you for the last hour." The warlord almost smiled. "How long have you been trailing behind me?"
Abiel's cheeks burned red, she looked at the ground emanating embarrassment.
"You had said before we left that you wished to speak to me about something? Well? What is it? Out with it." Shiftie prodded.
The color that had just filled her cheeks drained in an instant, her jaw tightened, and her eyes widened.
"Twas nothing, a forgotten topic, my lord." Abiel's gaze remained fixed on the stone beneath her feet. "A bath is what is needed now, I think. I am filthy." She mumbled and went to continue on leading her horse, but the high elf gracefully stepped in her path.
"You are lying to me." Shiftie said softly, slightly amused.
Abiel forced herself to look up at him, determined to lie her way out of this discussion. His blue eyes sparkled so beautifully, she was sure he was seeing straight into her mind, but she had resolved herself in the end that this was not a discussion she wanted to have with Shiftie after all, especially not after having had a successful raid, and even more so because she hadn't killed anyone that wasn't meant to die. The longer the girl stared at the warlord's perfect face, the more certain Abiel became that this talk was never to be had.
"It was nothing, I assure you, sir. Nothing at all, my lord." Abiel tried to sound convincing, she MUST sound convincing, she told herself. 'Believe in the lie and it will be true.' And didn't she believe this lie to be true?
"When you call me 'sir', I know something is amiss. When you refer to me as 'my lord' these days, I know that you are lying." There was no anger in his tone, making it all the more difficult to keep herself from spilling the truth.
Abiel's voice felt trapped in her throat. How could she share what she'd been thinking? Especially the most personal of thoughts about him? What she thought she might be feeling could not be real, it would be unnecessary to speak of it. No good could come of sharing this. He had his secrets, why was he so certain that she had to share this one? The thoughts and questions would fade in time, she'd seldom thought of him sharing her bed the fortnight they'd been hunting for the Gurvir.
"I assure you, Shiftie," his name seemed a foreign and bitter word to say. Abiel was sure she'd called him 'sir' and 'my lord' as long as she'd known him, seldom 'Shiftie' to his face. "...there is nothing of any import that you should be made aware of at this time." Abiel spoke softly, but there was an unintended sharpness to it.
Abiel abruptly led her horse around the warlord, leaving him where he stood, ever more determined not to have this talk.
"Stop." Shiftie barked firmly. "Stop, stop, STOP!" The irritability in his voice stung her. She stopped as commanded, waiting as he took the few steps to clear the distance between them. Abiel tried to speak, but Shiftie talked over her, and she fell silent.
"Is this to do with Toatle?" Shiftie snapped. Abiel went to answer, the high elf cut her off again. "You need not fear to speak to me of him,"
'That isn't what you said not so long ago,' she thought as he went on.
"I may not always have the desire for him to be the topic of our conversations, but right at this moment, if there is something you need to speak to me about involving him, I am willing to listen, and you will tell me."
The words were choking her, but finally they came.
"There is no longer anything to speak of Sir. He has gone from the Range to the best of my knowledge. To where? I know naught. I am sorry, truly, I know that the timing of his departure is not the best, but there it is."
"I could care less whether or not he is with us, and with his leaving, yet again, it shows where his priorities lie, assuming he ever had any other than himself. What else???"
Her gaze fled to the ground and her feet, the horses' hooves, his feet, so long as she wasn't looking him in his lovely eyes and beautiful face. Abiel took a deep breath and let it rush from her noisily. If anyone was passing around them, they took no notice.
"Raxus. Raxus came to speak with me before we left about Toatle. He suggested...No. I cannot say it. It does not require repeating." Abiel looked up at Shiftie, hoping that he would read her pleas on her face.
"How long have we shared in each other's company, the two of us? You have never held back your thoughts or your questions or opinions, even when perhaps you should. I find myself extremely displeased that there is now something you cannot speak to me about. Whatever it is that has turned you into a stuttering lame you will tell me." 'And it had better be a matter of serious import, or you might be wishing you hid your secrets better after I throw you over the bridge to your death.' Shiftie thought to himself and tried not to smile. She was obviously determined at this moment to keep the secret which he found oddly disconcerting but also amusing.
Abiel swallowed hard and began again.
"Before we left, Raxus and I were discussing Toatle, and there was...more." 'More that he suggested, and I panicked like I am panicking now," she thought.
"He, that is, Raxus, made mention that he had discussed something with you not long before, the subject being..." 'Oh Gods and all the Hells, how can I even speak the words?!' she screamed to herself. "You... and I... Together. Or something to that affect." And then the words started to spill from her in a torrent.
"Not that he was suggesting we had been together, but that perhaps we should be, once I rid myself of Toatle. But I didn't end things with Toatle because of you or for you," 'Great holy Gods shut up!' She continued to scream at herself in the confines of her mind as her mouth kept running. His face showed no reaction. Shiftie was as unreadable as he'd ever been.
"When we left, I thought that it might be best if I spoke to you...with you about all of this, to set aside any possible fears or concerns regarding my feelings toward you or any desires..." 'SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!' "Not desires as in desires, not that you aren't entirely desirable, I think you know that you are, but then there's love also, which I do love you, that is to say I do love you, but I don't 'loooove' you. Well, what am I saying? Of course I do, but that's not to say... well, I think you do know that I love you, but, oh Gods this is just not at all coming out the way it should be." Abiel took a breath and was now ready to jump over the railing Shiftie had considered throwing her over. Shiftie was still as a statue. Torches were being lit along the bridge walls, the sun had set behind the mountain, yet the two may as well have been alone in the world.
Abiel took another breath, it was a wonder to Shiftie that through all of this frustration, she had not reached a point that her feelings had become a stronger presence upon him. At present, it was only the slightest of feelings that he was sensing, confusion and a mild affection and desire. Mostly embarrassment, which he was sure he'd feel as well if he was making such an ass of himself.
"Since the night I met you at my mother's castle, I have loved you with all of my heart and soul. When you were gone from me, the feelings remained and have only grown since your return. But it isn't as simple as a woman who loves a man, wishing to be his wife. It isn't only the love of a girl who loves her father, or that of a loyal ward for their master. It's all of these things and more, but the strongest love I have for you IS that of being your second in this new age of war and monsters. I look to you in the highest possible regard. Surely, I am not blind to the fact that you see me as such, as your pupil, and why shouldn't you? I have a list of defects longer than I am tall and I know that you care for me in your own fashion. It has always been more than I could ever wish for and I am grateful for everything you have done for me."
The high elf did not like to be told how he felt or to have someone presume his thoughts. But they had never had a discussion about it, so he could at least understand that at some point, she would have no choice but to assume. Abiel was sincere, that much he was sure, and Shiftie had no doubt that she loved him. Just as Abiel had, Shiftie accepted their strange partnership with a great amount of ease. It had been natural from their first meeting and even after years of separation when Abiel had been much younger, it was natural again to share their life and seeing her again at the Vale that first time had made the high elf realize how much he had missed her. When it came time for them to be separated now for days and weeks, he felt her absence more sharply.
"There's really no proper way to explain this, is there?" It wasn't a question she wished him to answer. "We are as we are, and I want no more than that." Abiel shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what else to say to explain herself better, yet a strange boldness swept over her momentarily and immediately she wished she'd stopped there.
"Truth be told, I reacted in a way I had not anticipated to Raxus' suggestions." She managed to stop herself there, she was sure Shiftie could read the truth of it on her face.
"Regardless I could not and would not presume to ask for more because you make me happy Sir, just as we are. I am truly sorry for making a trifle issue seem important." Abiel did not wait for Shiftie to respond. She had said all that could be said, it mattered not what he would think of it because she was sure that he had not wanted to be assaulted by a topic so ridiculous as this one. Abiel headed toward the Drok'Nol entrance of the Range. Shiftie did not stop her from leaving.
Abiel entered the large stables where members of the Dragon Sect were preparing to leave. She smiled at Shiftie brightly, exchanging greetings with others as she made her way to him. 'Now is not the time.' Abiel thought to herself, still smiling. Abiel bowed to Shiftie in greeting as she always did, he smiled his hello and seemed oddly relaxed under the circumstances.
"Are you ready?" he asked slightly more serious.
"Yes?" It was more of a question that she would have put to Shiftie, whether or not he felt she was ready to go out to raid again. She was ready to do as he instructed, to do her best at what ever task she was given.
Abiel stepped closer to him, her cheeks growing more rose-colored. She could barely look at his chin, let alone look him in the eye.
"When you have time, perhaps we could discuss a few matters?" Abiel whispered. "Not now of course, but when you see fit. It's nothing serious, I assure you. Just a few... things." Abiel stammered. Abiel set eyes upon Shiftie and all the wind within her was pulled out. She had yet to give him any specifics and found herself embarrassed at the thought that she would discuss things that suddenly seemed absurd. Shiftie was a decorated centurion. He was above these things and rightfully so. Abiel was free of Toatle, free to concentrate on her training and gaining full control of herself. That was all that was important to him and as such, was all that would be important to her. Abiel would not bring the matter up again, and Gods willing, Shiftie would be far too busy to remember that she'd said anything. She would put it out of her mind and so would he. Again, a new sense of relief came over her. She was ready to focus on the pending raid, ready for her master to unhook the lead.
CHAPTER
Three days of riding and tracking, Shiftie pushed her mercilessly. Abiel was sent to track, sent to forage, fetch the water, stand post. She gloried in every task, volunteered for every duty she could. Though she had decided not to mention it aloud, she hadn't needed sleep. And in the few minutes she'd had alone in the forest checking for tracks or signs, speaking with animals when she had enough privacy to do so, Abiel had thought back to the times when sleep had overtaken her. This was something far more important that she would speak with Shiftie about, although she considered how best to mention it so that it wouldn't come out as insulting... "It appears sir, that I don't require as much sleep as you. Ever. Unless I've died." Abiel clapped a hand over her mouth to keep in the laughter, chiding herself as she went. A fine thing to be amused at, when bands of murderous scoundrels were about looking to kill her and anyone else they might come across.
Abiel made her way back to the camp. It wasn't difficult to locate. For the first time since they'd left the mountains, there was a giant fire. Granted, there were over one hundred men and women at arms, there were almost a dozen clerics, one... two... three... four... five wizards? Four shaman that she could name... Something was very strange indeed, so much of this raid that was very unusual. In the fire light, just across the camp, she saw the small white tuft of hair that sat atop Shiftie's head and it stopped her in her tracks and she could not help but smile. No, the world could turn upside down and inside out and if she saw him, it would matter not. Shiftie turned and caught her gaze then and waived her to him and she could not deny that she loved him. It was in that moment Abiel knew that she could love him and go to her death never having told Shiftie.
"Tell me, what did you find?" he smiled.
"Poorly concealed tracks, my lord. At least a dozen orc, maybe a dozen goblin, some blood elves. They might even have a giant troll or two and they travel on foot." While tracks had been poorly concealed, it was actually the information of several animal families living in the area. They'd bolted when the Gurvir had moved through and returned once they were gone, but all of the animals were on alert.
"They're a few days ahead, three at the least, four at the most, they're skirting around toward the Pale Rock post."
"How would you know this?" Shiftie's white eyebrow raised.
"They keep moving from camp to camp like this..." Abiel knelt down drew wide slightly intersecting arches away from her in the soft dirt. "Aren't they?" She looked up, hoping to be correct.
"That they seem to be, yes," he waited for her to continue.
"If they continue that way, the only place they would come across is the post. They keep moving forward and back to keep the patrols off guard. I wouldn't be surprised if they have rogues watching us right now." Abiel stood and whispered the last part.
"Nor would I." Shiftie smiled easily and patted her on the head. Abiel smiled, the proud dog that she was.
There was chaos surrounding her, Abiel could not clear her mind. Stamping horse hooves, the feet of men and orc and goblin, animals.... Abiel struggled to wake, a heavy mist of fog swirled above her head, she could not make out those above her, only the brilliant clashing of magics and steel, blood and flesh falling over her like a heavy rain. Filthy hands reached down toward then disappeared back into the mist, more hands, paws, blood and boney claws... horrified, she sat where she was, the hands were upon her now and she had no will to fight. The scaled claws, so black and shimmering, so lovely and lethal- they would kill her and put this entire battle an end. Abiel closed her eyes and waited...
"Wake up, my youngling, it's time to move on." A familiar voice cut through the clouds of her dreams. Abiel struggled to old on, to stay within the coming death, but that voice held a smile within it, a smile she was now willing to fight to see. Abiel opened her eyes. Shiftie was managing poorly to conceal the smile he had for her. "Arise, my sleeping girl, another day of the hunt awaits. Perhaps today will be the day that we find our prey?"
The drained feeling she'd experienced in her dream was not with her now in the early dawn light. That perfect smile snapped Abiel into the world with an energy she lived for. Within moments, she had washed her face and had the horses saddled and packed.
"Quite the handy little squirrel you have their, son! Wherever did you find her?" a very large barbarian warrior remarked to Shiftie out of Abiel's hearing.
Shiftie smiled and watched Abiel go about her business, taking his time as he dressed and ate, seen to at lightning intervals by the 'squirrel'. He watched her, wondered what he could have done to set the path they were on together. In his estimation, he had not done one right thing for this girl in her life, yet here she was, only perhaps two hours of sleep, racing to see to his every need or conceived want as though she owed him every breath and drop of blood within her.
Things could not remain as they were. She could not stay like this, not being as she was, 'Whatever that might be,' Shiftie exhaled. The world would come to doom because she could not look away from him long enough to know better. Pouty had said as much and now the harsh truth of it was dawning on the warlord. But on the same token, it felt right within his heart. The high-elf considered if perhaps they were not meant to be parted. Perhaps he was meant to be the compass and give her the direction. Abiel was nowhere near ready to be in the lowliest of guilds, let alone the Paladin, the one who could stand before the world and save or crush it. The fault of that, at least in part, rested on his shoulders.
When they'd first met and she'd stated that she was iron and steel- he'd believed it more then than he did now. Her ceaseless youthful naive desire to learn and help, traits Shiftie continued to adore most, traits that were was not to be prized as fighters, especially given the steps back into her training she'd taken.
A chill ran up Shiftie's spine, a sick feeling swelled in his stomach thinking about Drandelt and Kohlven. It had been partly their own fault. Everyone had been warned to stay far from her and she was returned to her senses moments after, far too late to save the careless knights, but long enough to save everyone else. So close to death they had come before her change, the tendrils of smoke that rippled from her eyes burned in Shiftie's mind so vividly. It was the first time he'd witnessed her so changed- vicious, skilled, strong... too strong. Wielding two long swords as though they were light as feathers with a veteran fighter's knowledge he'd never believe Abiel capable of amassing. She was a demon of chaos and death pulsing with power. The kind of power that could win wars and set the world on fire. There it was, staring them in the face. Call her the Paladin or any name they could think of. In the end, one question stood out over all others: how could he ever control her in the direst of circumstances if Abiel could not learn to control herself? And, he asked himself, Do I even want to?
CHAPTER
Another full day of riding in small groups, always a mix of warriors, a cleric, a shaman or druid as the numbers allowed, and the raiding party fell upon the band of sixty or so Gurvir that had been making their way in precise movements toward the base of the mountain range. None were spared, the question remained how such a large group of Gurvir had come to go undetected given all the guilds and Sect members that were out in force, scouring the Seven Kingdoms and beyond.
There was no explanation as to how the Gurvir were getting so far into the kingdoms without detection. Those Gurvir who'd been taken captive had yet to slip and divulge any explanation or plans. Most died for their silence in the end. For Shiftie, it had been largely successful. His new gear had stood up against the orc especially well. He'd been eying it for some time, little Abiel, who'd done almost exceptionally well this raid, had done precisely what she had been instructed to, engaging when told, staying back when ordered. She'd felled three blood elven rogues that were about to attack the clerics. He'd thought he'd spied the swirls of mist forming at her eyes not once but twice, but she'd contained herself. It was hard to know for sure at the time, Shiftie had been engaging the two battle trolls and trying to save his own skin.
The high elf was as pleased as he would allow himself to be. It was when they were nearly to the stone bridge when Shiftie came to realize that Abiel was walking behind him. He'd been so lost in thought, even speaking his thoughts aloud, so used to her listening intently and somehow knowing the appropriate times to respond to his spoken thought, the high elf assumed the last half of the day that she was beside him. They were walking their horses now, the sound of their hooves echoing through the valley as they clipped and clopped on the smooth pavement. Shiftie stopped when he realized she wasn't beside him, causing Abiel, who was lot in her own thoughts, to nearly walk into him. The girl began to apologize profusely.
"Are you allright?" Shiftie asked, watching her, puzzled.
"I am fine, my lord. Are you?" Abiel replied, slightly flustered.
"I am quite well and have been for some time. Where is your mind, youngling? I have been talking to you for the last hour." The warlord almost smiled. "How long have you been trailing behind me?"
Abiel's cheeks burned red, she looked at the ground emanating embarrassment.
"You had said before we left that you wished to speak to me about something? Well? What is it? Out with it." Shiftie prodded.
The color that had just filled her cheeks drained in an instant, her jaw tightened, and her eyes widened.
"Twas nothing, a forgotten topic, my lord." Abiel's gaze remained fixed on the stone beneath her feet. "A bath is what is needed now, I think. I am filthy." She mumbled and went to continue on leading her horse, but the high elf gracefully stepped in her path.
"You are lying to me." Shiftie said softly, slightly amused.
Abiel forced herself to look up at him, determined to lie her way out of this discussion. His blue eyes sparkled so beautifully, she was sure he was seeing straight into her mind, but she had resolved herself in the end that this was not a discussion she wanted to have with Shiftie after all, especially not after having had a successful raid, and even more so because she hadn't killed anyone that wasn't meant to die. The longer the girl stared at the warlord's perfect face, the more certain Abiel became that this talk was never to be had.
"It was nothing, I assure you, sir. Nothing at all, my lord." Abiel tried to sound convincing, she MUST sound convincing, she told herself. 'Believe in the lie and it will be true.' And didn't she believe this lie to be true?
"When you call me 'sir', I know something is amiss. When you refer to me as 'my lord' these days, I know that you are lying." There was no anger in his tone, making it all the more difficult to keep herself from spilling the truth.
Abiel's voice felt trapped in her throat. How could she share what she'd been thinking? Especially the most personal of thoughts about him? What she thought she might be feeling could not be real, it would be unnecessary to speak of it. No good could come of sharing this. He had his secrets, why was he so certain that she had to share this one? The thoughts and questions would fade in time, she'd seldom thought of him sharing her bed the fortnight they'd been hunting for the Gurvir.
"I assure you, Shiftie," his name seemed a foreign and bitter word to say. Abiel was sure she'd called him 'sir' and 'my lord' as long as she'd known him, seldom 'Shiftie' to his face. "...there is nothing of any import that you should be made aware of at this time." Abiel spoke softly, but there was an unintended sharpness to it.
Abiel abruptly led her horse around the warlord, leaving him where he stood, ever more determined not to have this talk.
"Stop." Shiftie barked firmly. "Stop, stop, STOP!" The irritability in his voice stung her. She stopped as commanded, waiting as he took the few steps to clear the distance between them. Abiel tried to speak, but Shiftie talked over her, and she fell silent.
"Is this to do with Toatle?" Shiftie snapped. Abiel went to answer, the high elf cut her off again. "You need not fear to speak to me of him,"
'That isn't what you said not so long ago,' she thought as he went on.
"I may not always have the desire for him to be the topic of our conversations, but right at this moment, if there is something you need to speak to me about involving him, I am willing to listen, and you will tell me."
The words were choking her, but finally they came.
"There is no longer anything to speak of Sir. He has gone from the Range to the best of my knowledge. To where? I know naught. I am sorry, truly, I know that the timing of his departure is not the best, but there it is."
"I could care less whether or not he is with us, and with his leaving, yet again, it shows where his priorities lie, assuming he ever had any other than himself. What else???"
Her gaze fled to the ground and her feet, the horses' hooves, his feet, so long as she wasn't looking him in his lovely eyes and beautiful face. Abiel took a deep breath and let it rush from her noisily. If anyone was passing around them, they took no notice.
"Raxus. Raxus came to speak with me before we left about Toatle. He suggested...No. I cannot say it. It does not require repeating." Abiel looked up at Shiftie, hoping that he would read her pleas on her face.
"How long have we shared in each other's company, the two of us? You have never held back your thoughts or your questions or opinions, even when perhaps you should. I find myself extremely displeased that there is now something you cannot speak to me about. Whatever it is that has turned you into a stuttering lame you will tell me." 'And it had better be a matter of serious import, or you might be wishing you hid your secrets better after I throw you over the bridge to your death.' Shiftie thought to himself and tried not to smile. She was obviously determined at this moment to keep the secret which he found oddly disconcerting but also amusing.
Abiel swallowed hard and began again.
"Before we left, Raxus and I were discussing Toatle, and there was...more." 'More that he suggested, and I panicked like I am panicking now," she thought.
"He, that is, Raxus, made mention that he had discussed something with you not long before, the subject being..." 'Oh Gods and all the Hells, how can I even speak the words?!' she screamed to herself. "You... and I... Together. Or something to that affect." And then the words started to spill from her in a torrent.
"Not that he was suggesting we had been together, but that perhaps we should be, once I rid myself of Toatle. But I didn't end things with Toatle because of you or for you," 'Great holy Gods shut up!' She continued to scream at herself in the confines of her mind as her mouth kept running. His face showed no reaction. Shiftie was as unreadable as he'd ever been.
"When we left, I thought that it might be best if I spoke to you...with you about all of this, to set aside any possible fears or concerns regarding my feelings toward you or any desires..." 'SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!' "Not desires as in desires, not that you aren't entirely desirable, I think you know that you are, but then there's love also, which I do love you, that is to say I do love you, but I don't 'loooove' you. Well, what am I saying? Of course I do, but that's not to say... well, I think you do know that I love you, but, oh Gods this is just not at all coming out the way it should be." Abiel took a breath and was now ready to jump over the railing Shiftie had considered throwing her over. Shiftie was still as a statue. Torches were being lit along the bridge walls, the sun had set behind the mountain, yet the two may as well have been alone in the world.
Abiel took another breath, it was a wonder to Shiftie that through all of this frustration, she had not reached a point that her feelings had become a stronger presence upon him. At present, it was only the slightest of feelings that he was sensing, confusion and a mild affection and desire. Mostly embarrassment, which he was sure he'd feel as well if he was making such an ass of himself.
"Since the night I met you at my mother's castle, I have loved you with all of my heart and soul. When you were gone from me, the feelings remained and have only grown since your return. But it isn't as simple as a woman who loves a man, wishing to be his wife. It isn't only the love of a girl who loves her father, or that of a loyal ward for their master. It's all of these things and more, but the strongest love I have for you IS that of being your second in this new age of war and monsters. I look to you in the highest possible regard. Surely, I am not blind to the fact that you see me as such, as your pupil, and why shouldn't you? I have a list of defects longer than I am tall and I know that you care for me in your own fashion. It has always been more than I could ever wish for and I am grateful for everything you have done for me."
The high elf did not like to be told how he felt or to have someone presume his thoughts. But they had never had a discussion about it, so he could at least understand that at some point, she would have no choice but to assume. Abiel was sincere, that much he was sure, and Shiftie had no doubt that she loved him. Just as Abiel had, Shiftie accepted their strange partnership with a great amount of ease. It had been natural from their first meeting and even after years of separation when Abiel had been much younger, it was natural again to share their life and seeing her again at the Vale that first time had made the high elf realize how much he had missed her. When it came time for them to be separated now for days and weeks, he felt her absence more sharply.
"There's really no proper way to explain this, is there?" It wasn't a question she wished him to answer. "We are as we are, and I want no more than that." Abiel shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what else to say to explain herself better, yet a strange boldness swept over her momentarily and immediately she wished she'd stopped there.
"Truth be told, I reacted in a way I had not anticipated to Raxus' suggestions." She managed to stop herself there, she was sure Shiftie could read the truth of it on her face.
"Regardless I could not and would not presume to ask for more because you make me happy Sir, just as we are. I am truly sorry for making a trifle issue seem important." Abiel did not wait for Shiftie to respond. She had said all that could be said, it mattered not what he would think of it because she was sure that he had not wanted to be assaulted by a topic so ridiculous as this one. Abiel headed toward the Drok'Nol entrance of the Range. Shiftie did not stop her from leaving.
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